THE ROYAL PENIS IS CLEAN YOUR HIGHNESS

Good movie, and i don't think the phrase naming this post ever was spoken before this movie. Snoop Dogg or some producer of his heard the phrase, and decided to do a song inspired by it with R. Kelly, because R. Kelly likes penises.

Snoop Dogg ft. R. Kelly - That's that
Snoop Dogg ft. R. Kelly - That's that(UploadHut)

RHYTM IS A DANCER

Ray, member of 2 Unlimted, posing in front of a sweet background,
signed this photo with his name and two of his favorite things in life.

Ah, the 90's. Sure, they made some good pop music back then. But what is it that really matters? I've got the answer... Peace, love and understanding. That's the 60's you say? No way. 90's dance music, thats where real unity between people (races) took place. The recipe was quite simple: Take a hot white girl for the refrain, and add a rapping black man for the rest of the singing. Most of the time, the rapper stands for the most important message of them all: UNITY.

They also did a really smart thing to make the songs even cooler, since everybody naturally dislikes songs with messages in them; Invent new words, or even whole sentences, or use african/jamaican words that doesn't mean anything in the songs... Raggadish, Raggadatt? Boomshackalack? Call me Raider, Call me Rome?

But if you wan't, forget about the lyrics and listen to the beat, because it's PUMPIN'

Snap - Rhythm Is A Dancer
Culture Beat - Mr. Vain
Ice MC - Think About The Way
Haddaway - What Is Love
Melodie MC - Dum Da Dum
Twenty 4 Seven - I Can't Stand It
Scooter - Move Your Ass

Listen to them, and I'll guarantee that you'll have a great weekend. With lots of unity.

SONGS THAT WERE FUCKING CLASS BETWEEN 1996 - 1998

Furbys, Animorphs, Beanie Babies, Nano Babies, Bripop, Raves, Timmy Mallet, Pat Sharpe, The fun house, Dave-Benson Phillips, Ed The Duck, Captain Planet, The Toxic Avenger, Charlie Chalk, Playdays, Chip 'n' Dale Adventures, The Tories, Spice Girls, SEGA megadrives, Nintendo Gameboy Colours.

Fuck, the Nineties were awesome. The best point in music was the back-end of the 90's. Bands decided to give it what-for and pick up a fair whack of attention which has carried on now. Everyone knows Britpop was decent midway between the 90's anyway and was beginning to die down come 1996, so that's why the American lads came along and gave a swift kick to the Gallagher brother's faces, then that all ganged up and broke Damon Alburn's nose with vinyl ninja deathstars. I used to love these songs, I bought them on fucking cassette and CD singles. NOBODY buys singles anymore. These songs were my favourite songs of the 90's, hands down.

SONGS THAT WERE FUCKING CLASS BETWEEN 1996 - 1998

Oasis - Champagne Supernova (1996)

The Charlatans - One To Another (1996)

Suede - Filmstar (1997)
The Eels - Susan's House (1997)
Mercury Rev - Goddess On The Hiway (1998)
Manic Street Preachers - If You Tolerate This Then Your Children Will Be Next (1998)
Semisonic - Closing Time (1998)

Partyyy.

I went to see Bloc Party the back end of 2005, when the hype of Silent Alarm was dying down and they were pretty much just running off "what-was" hype. I bought the tickets like, 8 months in advance, as with all bands who have a good run know; "Your shelf-life is six months, so book a UK tour jaunt 8 months in advance, therefore you still can make money for your coke habit." It's now nearing the demise of 2006 and Bloc Party went all quiet for a year. Could Kele have killed himself for being a self-depricating black man in a white man's London? Has the guitarist stepped out in front of a bus one Monday morning, due to his unbelievably stupid fucking haircut obstructing his vision? Has the asian-looking drummer buggered off to Bangkok to study Maths and/or Engineering? No. None of that malarky.

Bloc Party have been doing what all bands do these days; ride the winds of the interweb. By releasing a few `bootleg` live tracks onto Hype and small podcasts of their new material, keeping their mouths shut about who's done it and then announcing new dates for the new year, followed by a new album on NME.com, they've got their attention back.

A weekend In The City is going to be the sketchy second album. Die-hard's will cry "Hark! Bloc Party hath gone to the dogs! Woe to a travesty!" Whereas the run of the mill fans will say "Who's that cunt talkin' all posh laa'? I'm gonna fuckin' have him tonight son." Then they'll come back to me and say "Oh aye, Could a a good album like mate."

As with everything in the world, it all ends up online and up for human consumption way before it's required. A Weekend In The City is now all torrented up and ready for online elitist discussion and butchering. I've downloaded it, listened a few times and for this week, it gets my thumbs up. It's generic Bloc Party sound; Black bloke and not-quite political speakings and lyrical charges, but this time they've brought in a prog-esq feeling to a few tracks, talk about mythical creatures and most of all, used synth to get more of an all-round sound to what they've got. I guarentee that when this album comes out i'll disown it like it was my retarded half-brother and say "Never liked Bloc Party me, like." And we'll both look each other in the eyes and know truthfully, that was a lie.

Bloc Party - Song For Clay (Disappear)

Bloc Party - Hunting for Witches

Bloc Party - The Prayer

HEIL

Johannes Heil might look like a nice guy. He probably is a nice guy. In person, probably too nice.
That's why he makes music that will scare the shit out of you. I don't know how to label this song, but i think it would be electronic nightmare horror-acid-ambient techno*. You'll have to listen to it yourself, because beyond all the hardness of it there's a beat that'll get stuck in your head, and you have to listen to the song over, and over, and over again.

Johannes Heil - The Magician (From The Magician & The Fool 12" A-side)

* Labeling this kind of music is usually somewhat pathetic, because it really can't be done.

IDLEWILD

Yep yep, Idlewild, both the album and the movie by Outkast, got half decent reviews. I haven't seen the movie, but i like the album. Mostly because of the unexpected early 20th century influences, which are unexpected at first, but not really when you think about it. They take that gangster shit way back, like back to old school mafia shit. I like it.

Let's Jazz.

Outkast - When I look In Your Eyes

PRINCE, OH

Couldn't resist... Prince is a bad, bad, naughtyboy. And rumor says that he is about 1,50 tall, which isn't very tall at all. But small people makes big music, take a little look at Stevie Wonder. I don't know if he's short, but he can't see shit and i'm glad he devoted himself to music instead of building skyscrapers. Back on the track. Prince is pretty sexy sounding, and i just heard this one, Oh Sheila, a few days ago (appears i should have done some research here*) . I got pictures in my head of Sheila, and i imagine her to look something like the girl above.

LISTEN AND IMAGINE

Ready For The World - Oh Sheila

* Oh Sheila is actually made by the band above, I think. I heard the song in a 2 Many Dj's bootleg (As heard on radio/soulwax Pt. 8) mashed up with Thomas Bangalters Spinal scratch, and they labeled it as Prince. I still believe everything on the internet is true.

ROCK OUT

RAGE RAGE RAGE

This song is pumped with testosterone. It's so filled with it, that if you listen to it and there's a brick close to you, you'll break it. God forbid you're in a house made out of bricks, because you'll fucking smash it.

It's a cover of Judas Priest's Exciter, and Strapping Young Lad does it better.
Strapping Young Lad - Exciter

Oops, insane hidden track included!

Rush rush, got the yeyo?

Since i had about a gallon of piña colada last weekend, i just recovered. I also don't know how much one gallon is, since i use the metric system, but i bet it's a lot of piña colada.
Other people who enjoyed the exact same beverage over the years are Tony and Manny, and they did it with style... Just listen to this!

Deborah Harry - Rush Rush

But eh, i can't even use my hair-wax anymore because the smell of it vaguely resembles cocos.

Zoinks.

As proof of my immense smartyness, my brain's becoming so full of knowlege and severe awesome capabilities that it's beginning to get so full, it's forcing brand-new teeth filled with wisdom through my supermodel gums and into the back of my mouth. Why, brain? Why must you torture me so for being a brainbox?

But whatever, the pain's relieved when I hear this track. Yep, obilgatory Simian Mobile Disco post. I've been waiting like, three weeks for this to hit the internet super highway &. it finally has. Annie Mac gave this a run-through a while back &. these lads just keep getting better and better. Whatever they're doing to make them this good, they're fucking nailing it bang-on.

The Rapture - Woo! Alright - Yeah...Uh Huh (Simian Mobile Disco Remix)

PLAYNE NOISE.

Devo are what used to be good in the world, before the naughty grungers came and made funny distortion noises and wore lumberjack shirts. Okay, there's a pretty big gap between the era of DEVO's awesome peak and grunge, but during that space of time, nothing interesting happened. Probably. I don't know, I'm not wonderwoman. I get all my information only from the NME and every band formed is all because of Nirvana according to them, so I must be right.

DEVO - Uncontrollable Urge
DEVO - Jocko Homo
DEVO - Social Fools

And because i'm an all-round nice fellow, here's a few MSTRKRFT remixes.

Metric - Monster Hospital (MSTRKRFT Remix)
Para One - Dudun-Dun (MSTRKRFT Remix)
Death from Above 1979 - Sexy Results (MSTRKRFT Remix)

Cosmopolitan in a milk carton isn't milk

But P Diddy's special feelings is. Features Mika Lett (who's that?) and a some sweet synth. Produced by Will Adams, who also produced most Black Eyed Peas. Don't let that scare you though, this is good stuff. I'm also not sure if he still calls himself P Diddy nowadays? Or is it just Diddy? Imagine how it would feel to wrap yourself in huge fur-coat made out of tiny bearlings, because that's the feeling you'll get when you listen to this song.

P Diddy ft. Mika Lett - Special feeling

RIMSHOT.

Things have been busy like a little bee in ULTIMATE MEGAFORCE headquarters. By busy of course, I mean partying as usual. Last nights party celebrated the time-honoured tradition of it being Monday-two-day-ago, which also meant everytime we took a shot we all had to call out "Uh-oh, somebody's had a case of the Mondays!" Oh, it was rib-tickling.

ADAADAT Records needs more attention. There's some insane shit on their roster, but you're all too far too busy making sure your pencil-thin beard is in tip-top condition to pay attention. This label is home to a few fast-rising stars, the more popular being Jap bastard DJ Scotch Egg. If tetris-themed white-noise breakcore is your thing, sure, he's probably the 2nd biggest name after Shitmat. Other names on this label include Cutting Pink With Knives, Gay Against You and DODDODO. But there's one little lad from all the way in cheery Glasgow who's a bit of a whizz at this electronica lark, Germlin. I can't describe the stuff, but he's making a lot of waves, both with his insane live show, showcasing his debut albumm Death Pixxel and with his side-project, Gay Against You. He's what you'd imagine a little kid with too many haribo love-hearts would create if given a keyboard, sixteen Gameboys and an Applemac. Insane stuff.

Other shit i've been getting one's groove thing onto is Miami/Parisian lady Uffie. I'm probably like, I don't know, 60 billion years behind the trend, but whatever. I live in the UK, we don't need no immigrant music. Just like in the transformers, When ordered by the awesome DJ and producer Feadz, to transform, she becomes a something, like really cool. Thankfully, she's not like the shit transformer who just turns into a tape. Why the fuck would you just turn into a tape? It's like me turning into a ball of wool, only to be played with by a cat. That's a really cute image though, so I take that back.

Lyrically she's pretty shite to be honest, but when Feadz is on the mix, magic happens. Another awesome duo on Ed Banger Records.

Germlin - I Have No Patience And I Can't Wait (Featuring Bobby Birdman)

Germin - Death Pixxel

Uffie - Ready To Uff

Uffie - Hot Chick

---
ADAADAT records link
Ed Banger Myspace

MOTHA

Devin Copeland is one nasty man. Alias, Devin the Dude, and you probably heard him in Dr. Dre's "Fuck You", and yep, Devin produced it, along with parts of the soundtrack to the superior tv show Oz.

Devins two favorite things in life are:
1. Sex
2. Drugs

100% of his songs revolves around these two subjects. And the best part is, he doesn't even try to be a gangster, everything he says he does with a glimpse in his eye.

Devin the Dude - Motha

Take a guess, what's this about? It's a 50/50, or maybe a 10/90. Quote:
"Last month I pawned 17 sewing machines, took the money to my Mexican partner, his name is Malito"

Tough shit.

I just spent a hell of a week end.
No More - Suicide Commando

Get the bounce

Jay-Z is to Dj's what glass bowls is to goldfish. There is no close-end to the amount of mash-up's there is, mostly by "independent*" dj's. Fortunate enough some of these songs are worth spending your time listening to. The bad news is that finding these songs usually is worse than finding a needle in a haystack. Yep, it's fucking aggravating to the point that you wan't to destroy the internet. Why? Because there is nothing worse then looking through hundreds of slow, boring and ugly blogs and myspace, most of them filled with crap.


By the way, i only found one of these songs by looking through the whole horrible internet, and that's the one I'll start with:

Jay-Z - Change Clothes (DJ P-Sol, SOS Remix)



And who is DJ P-Sol? I Don't know, but apparently he won some price on myspace, and if you look for him there you'll find it. I like this guy, he shows quality in a few of his other mas-up mixes aswell. Don't expect anything spectacular though, this is his best one. Ooops, this one's just flash, sorry.

Jay-Z - Change Clothes (Dangermouse, Grey Album)

Yep, Dangermouse, one half of Gnarls Barkley** made this one, Change Clothes, along with a couple of other Jay-Z released on the Grey Album. If you don't know what the Grey album is, i'll tell you this much: It's Jay-Z's Black Album mashed together with The Beatles The White Album. Not the most obvious mas-up ever. This particular song uses samples from "Dear Prudence" and "Piggies". Best song on the Grey Album.

Jay-Z ft. Panjabi MC - Beware of the boys/Mundian to bach ke

This is not a remix in the sense of actually being a remix, this one's more of a collaboration. It's neat sounding. No further description needed, everybody's familiar with the Panjabi sound.

*myspace.
**Is so bad.

Hey, hey the police are here.

Aww mang. I'm ill. To present how I feel inside i'm going to dress all in the colour purple. This is the official international symbol for "i'm ill, give me attention" and also "I love Prince" so hopefully i'll get some attention from some hot nurses who love Prince.

Laptops make everything better; that's a proven fact. 25 years ago at the Annual Weekend Egghead Convention, Newton stated it and proved it with a powepoint presentation, Einstien concurred, DaVinci raised a glass in approval, then they all did shots to celebrate an overall accomplished weekend. Things got pretty messy from there on, somebody put a lampshade on their head and Alexander Bell shouted "That SO been done before, Sigmund, jeez."

Laptops are the foundation of modern civilisation, without them, the wheel wouldn't have been discovered, Pop Tarts wouldn't have the awesome gooey center, women wouldn't have the vote and we wouldn't have these awesome tracks available for your aural pleasure. Synth and shit, yo.

Taken from 2006's Something Came Up
Mekon - Something Came Up
Mekon - Boy Bitten Feat. Rira Brown

Taken from 2006's Caracol
Alexkid - Nightshade
Alexkid - Mare Alta


Finally, Daedelus has taken his own spin on the latest remixing wave that's coming in on his new EP, Throw a Fit EP:

Daedelus - Remix of Nothing

Halloween Festivities

The earth spinned some and oops, it's friday again. Not regular or casual friday, today is halloween friday. Yep, halloween was actually something like two days ago, but no one ever liked holidays in the middle of a week. Probably because no one wants to interrupt the week with something hilarious like halloween, and for some reason, people don't like going dressed up as whatever to work...

Except the ULTIMATE MEGAFORCE crew. Once again, we threw an emperorous party with a halloween/George Michael theme, and once again, you weren't invited. Hint of how extraordinaire the party was: P Diddy was there. Here's a short summary of the party in pictures, with some music inbetween:

Harry J Allstars - Liquidator

Joe Cocker - With A Little Help From My Friends (Live)

Pharell Williams - Raspy Shit

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

MOTIVATION, MOTHERFUCKER

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Aw.

Disasterkid presents: Todays songs in C minor.

Shitdisco - I Know Kung-Fu (konx-om-pax remix)
Dibaba - The Truth-Blending Consortium (12")
Ratatat - Seventeen Years

Giorgio.

Not only is Giorgio Moroder rocking one of the most respectable handlebar moustaches in the music industry, he is also one of the most influential producer in the music industry.

Names like fucking Blondie, Donna fucking Summer, Freddie fucking Mercury, Elton fucking John, David fucking Bowie, Miami fucking Sound Machine, Chaka fucking Khan, and hundreds fucking more can be associated with Giorgio.

He also composed the score for movies like Scarface, Flashdance, Midnight Express, American Gigolo... OK i'll stop here because this insane list, or shall i say record of achievements, just goes on and on.

Along with Kraftwerk and let's say new wave acts like New Order and Depeche Mode, that man basically MADE today's dance music.
Here's just a small selection of four completely awesome smash hits produced by Giorgio Moroder.

4 COMPLETELY AWESOME MORODER
SMASH HITS
Berlin - Take My Breath Away
Giorgio Moroder - Chase
Paul Engemann - Push It To The Limit
Donna Summer - I Feel Love

And here are four very different songs based on a Moroder sample, needless to say Alan Braxe & Fred Falke are Moroder's godsons, or at least his dirty synthetizers' bastard children.

4 VERY DIFFERENT SONGS BASED ON A
MORODER SAMPLE

Alan Braxe & Fred Falke - Most Wanted

DJ Shadow - Organ Donor (Extended Overhaul)
Rick Ross - Push It
113 - Marginal