Good comedians are even funnier while on drugs Pt.1: Richard Pryor

And that's true. Good comedians should be funny 24/7, otherwise they aren't funny. Thats why we love:
1. BillMurray
2. Will Ferrel

And, Richard Pryor. This video is the stir crazy brilliant. Yes, he's on drugs, but it only helps him reveal his true him. And it means 13 minutes of spasmic laughter for you.

How electricity really works.

Electricity (from Greek ήλεκτρον (electron) "amber") is a general term for the variety of phenomena resulting from the presence and flow of electric charge. Together with magnetism, it constitutes the fundamental interaction known as electromagnetism. It includes many well-known physical phenomena such as lightning, electric fields and electric currents, and is put to use in industrial applications such as electronics and electric power.

Tomorrow, molecules.

DJ Deeon - Gimme Head
Justice - One Minute to Midnight
France Copland - The Pierre Boulez Empire

I look so good, that when I go outside I have to punch women to keep them off me.

So its just turned Halloween. This gives kids the chance to throw eggs at houses and shit in bags and set it alight without being caught, because every other little nipper's doing the same and they're dressed up as little devils, witches or as inbred hicks. Though to be fair, can't tell these days, everyone's fucking inbred where I live.

Speaking of nothing related to whatever I just typed, I was watching 120 minutes on MTV2 whilst waiting for my porn to download last night, when this came on. Planningtorock is possibly one of the shittest names for an artist, but this isn't shit. No sir, I can say that with a tip of my hat &. a smile of approval. She reminds me of a female, more fucked-up Jamie Lidell, with more of a sense of British humour about her. Granted, she ditched the United Kingdom for life in Berlin, but her accent still gives her away. The video for Bolton Wanderer is well worth a watch. Having a look though some reviews of her earlier EP's and tours, she has a slight obsession with reflection, which is pretty cool I guess. If you're a cat or mentally retarded.

She's got an album out, Have it all. Get tracking kids.

I'm also putting this Spank Rock track on, because it's fucking awesome and has probably the best fucking line in ever. Ever. EVER. 100% FACT.

Planningtorock - Bolton Wanderer

Spank Rock - Coke & Wet

Bang it bitch.

Valentino Rossi's 5-year reign as the best fuckin' motoGP rider in it's history finally comes to the end. This is a sad year for me, I permed my hair &. pierced my ear just to be like you. Fuck, I even learnt Italian and went to all my classes dressed as Mario, just for you Rossi. I don't blame you for this loss though man, I blame your team. Fuck you Yamaha, why couldn't you have checked his tires before throwing him onto the Valencia circuit. You lot are so not coming to my Sega Party.

Rossi, this is for you:

LCD Soundsystem - Losing my edge

From now on, the new ruler of motoGP is that Nicky Hayden. He's American, yet he doesn't weigh 30 Stone, or run around with guns and hamburgers, sreaming "Hyuck! Hyuck! I don' gon' got no cuzzinz to marry!"

Joe Esposito - You're the best

Rock hard erections - Erections like steel, just like sunday morning!

Sunday morning, and i just watched this movie. It was good, but i had high expectations for it, so no surprise there. An epic adventure like that is quite something to melt at the morning of the very end of the week-end, but this is the tool i used to help me do it:

Arrested Development - Everyday People

This whole post is dedicated to Arthur, who doesn't like this blog.

Confusion.

Chromeo - Needy Girl

CHAPMAN'S MAN OF THE DAY

It's Linford Christie! CONGRATULATIONS!

Unfortunately Linford can't be here tonight
to accept the award, so here is Mama Cass
of the Mamas and Papas singing a song
in tribute to the stallion of athletics and
TV presenting. Linford would beat her
in a race though. She's a porker mate.

Mama Cass - He's a runner










Love Chapman.

IS THERE ANYBODY THERE?

I'm knackered. Too much sitting up playing Mariokart DS has made me a sleepy puppy. I'm at work in a few hours too, that makes me not a very happy bunny either. I'm some kind of fucked-up child's fantasy perfect pet; a Bunnypup, or a Puppybun. I can't choose, both are just too adorable.

French bloke DJ Orgasmic is such a popular guy, he has 1,533 friends on his Myspace. That's almost as many that came to the party we had yesterday, which was totally awesome, by the way. You couldn't come cus' you didn't have the coupons, remember? Yeah, Square. Orgasmic is on French label Institubes, which is French for "Radtastic" and well worth a look into. DJ/Producer with TTC and Cuizinier, he hits up the bitches like it ain't no thing. These two songs are off the Surkin vs M.I.A white label vinyl from 2005 and they're both hotter than Snoops buffet cart.

DJ Orgasmic Vs. Billy - Side A

Surkin Vs. M.I.A - Side B


I'm off to go paint little red dots on my face and pretend i've got the sickies to get out of work tonight.

It's friday afternoon... It's bat mitzvah

The mythical friday afternoon, time to plan the activities of the night now eh? Here are some tips for thy.
FRIDAY NIGHT IS FUCKING BAT MITZVAH.
Why? Because Bat Mitvah means two things:
1.Piña Colada
2.Herpes
Put your lighters down, your gold teeth up and start to enjoy yourself. Please yourself. Listen to these songs.

John B Rambo - Goodfellas Theme
Harry Bellafonte - Hava Nagila

^CELEBRATION^

Hot pockeeetsss.

- Will it burn my mouth ?

-It will destroy your mouth.

Yes, it's time to bake some lava-hot barbecue buns.

and for an

IDM BROTHERS FIGHT!

Squarepusher VS. Ceephax
or "Why Ceephax is better than Squarepusher".

They both know how to make your spinal column shiver with pure genius melodies. That's a fact.
But what I don't get is why Square push-push gets more hype than his little evil twin (hype meaning getting a song on a Sofia Coppola movie soundtrack). Everyone can agree that Do You Know Squarepusher is one of the most important tracks of this young millenium, and that his live sets are 90% of the time unbearable. And that's when his PC doesn't crash because he just pushes things too far.
Maybe this fight is more about Warp VS. Rephlex.
BUT ANYWAY, I THINK CEEPHAX WINS.
Because he's not boring the shit out of everyone with drill'n'bass breakcore shit snare rush breaks. Planetarium is a perfect example of a touching melody ruined by those cocaine-induced free party drum breaks.
Besides, Ceephax wins the cover artwork war, which he makes himself.

So, FUCK YOU, SQUAREPUSHER.

Ceephax - Exidy
Squarepusher - Planetarium
Ceephax - Vladijenk
Squarepusher - Welcome To Europe

Doon't stop, Belieeevin.

Today's been a good day. Today's one of those days when you say "Hey, I like today, it's pretty damn sexy." Then you kiss your busty secretary wife and make love on the balcony. Twice.

Today's a good day for two reasons;

1. I ordered Rex The Dog's Prototype on vinyl. A favourite of UK-male-electrokids fantasy girlfriend, Annie Mac, Rex The Dog has a good bit going for him at the moment. He's knocked out a few good-sized European tours over the years and he's got some new material coming out on thr 30th October, he's pretty fuckin' cool, I can tell you that. He's also knocked out some nice little remixes if you're inclined that way. If you're a fan of, I don't know, cotton buds, you'll like this. Give this nifty little track a try and see if it tickles your pickle.
   
   
2. I didn't realise how good Prince was until today. Seriously. He's good. Not like "Oh yeah, Purple Rain, pretty neat for a makeup-wearing slut" I mean "Holy fuck, i'd do him over three or four times and make him scream out lyrics to Sign O' The Times" Good. Granted, the whole symbol thing was a bit shitty, it just involves a lot of typing his other name and I can't be bothered to check my Character Map on Windows to see if Microsoft developed a symbol for him or not.

Prince - Sign O' The Times

Rex the Dog - Prototype (7" Edit)

CHAPMAN'S SOUNDTRACK OF THE NOW!

Here is my SOUNDTRACK OF THE NOW!

And Now's winner is...

THE BIG LEBOWSKI OST

For one reason. It's got a Gypsy Kings cover of Hotel California.

WELCAM TO CI HOTEL CALIFORNIAR.

You love it!

MICHAEL CLARKE DUNCAN!

MICHAEL CLARKE DUNCAN IS THE BEST ACTOR IN THE WORLD. HE IS IN GREAT FILMS, HE IS IN ARMAGEDDON AND DAREDEVIL, AND THE ISLAND. THREE GREAT FILMS. HE WAS OKAY IN THE GREEN MILE.

MICHAEL CLARKE DUNCAN!

He is huge and has a huge smile. Michael Clarke Duncan is also in Sin City, which also stars in Sin City ELIJAH WOOD.

ELIJAH WOOD is the WORST ACTOR and is TERRIBLE.

MP3... ASSEMBBLLE

Okay, so we're registered properly on Hype now. We're throwing a party to celebrate at the Hilton hotel in NY and you're not invited, all the big stars are gonna be there. You need three coupons and you've only got two, so there.

Here's all the songs and shit we've put up so far, Just because, y'know, you might have missed something. Not because Hype hasn't picked up the tracks yet. No No.

Jay-Z Ft. Foxy Bown - Ain't No Nigga
Justin Timberlake - My Love (Capski Remix Redo-Do-Over)
Grizzly Bear - Eaves Dropping (Simon Bookish Remix)
Snoop Dogg Feat. B-Real - Vato (Prod. By The Neptunes)
Jarvis Cocker - Don't Let Him Waste Your Time
Busta Rhymes Feat. Dr Dre - Look Who (Produced By Clinton Sparks)
Cassius Feat. Ghostface Killah - Thrilla
Cassius Feat. Ghostface Killah - Thrilla (Streets Remix)
Shitdisco - Reactor Party (Arne Blackman-Clarky Cat Remix)
The Shamen - Ebeneezer Goode
All Saints - Rock Steady (MSTRKRFT Edition)
Jamiroquai - Runaway (Alan Braxe & Fred Falke Remix)
Mariah Carey Feat. Jay-Z - Heartbreaker
SpeakLow - Thriller
The Shins - Sea Legs
The Shins - Sleeping Lessons
HADOUKEN! - That Boy That Girl
DJ Mehdi Feat. Feads - Pony Rocking

How come Cristal tastes like Mountain Dew?

This is no more than a fine tune by the negro* Jay-Z with a nice old school touch to it. Now ignore this post and read the posts below this one, with much more substanse.


Jay-Z ft. Foxy Brown - Ain't no nigga

*We use the word negro because it is in the 1952 edition of the Oxford Dictionary. There is no other reason, we're old school.

VROOM VROOM.

See that kid? He's having a good time. Not because he's getting some from his bucktoothed sister behind Mommy's back, but because he's found the only decent Justin Timberlake remix of the fantastic track My Love available.


Justin Timberlake - My Love (Capski Remix-ReDo Do-over)


What's that, Chopper Baby? There's more? Oh man, you're on a good streak today. Warp records picked Grizzly Bear a few months ago and are building some decent hype about them, but Simon Bookish makes this track better. Yeah, in your face.

Grizzly Bear - Eaves Dropping (Simon Bookish Remix)

lol, internet

Breaking news, Google just bought Jupiter for a minimal fee.

Snoop Dogg feat. B-Real - Vato (prod. by The Neptunes)

Sheffield.

If I was a woman (A hot blonde woman with big breasts and a apple-bottom booty) i'd sleep with Jarvis Cocker. Hell, I'd probably sleep with him now and i'm all man baby. All Man. You want tickets to the gun show? You gotta wait in line sweet thing.

Pulp were the the on-off favourites of the Britpop era. Known mainly for their songs Common People and Disco 2000, they released a good handful of albums in their career. Jarvis bieng the quirky kind of guy he is, also famously ruined Michael Jackson's performace at the 1996 BRIT awards by charging onstage, throwing the V-Sign, waggling his arse about and generally causing a bit of a tit of himself. Good times, good times.

Then Jarvis went tits-up, got fucked on coke and threw in the towel ("Indefinate Haitus" my arse) in 2002, calling and end to their career. Everyone else from the band drifted into the world of the middle-class and got jobs at Dixons or HMV, Jarvis carried on running off his fame and scoring a few points in the world of indie with the band Relaxed Muscle and popping his head in on the movie Harry Potter &. The Goblet Of Fire.

The year now is 2006 and he's finally got off his arse and recorded a solo album, egotistically titled `Jarvis` and truth be told, it's not too bad. Not a shining on anything Pulp related, but all the same it's decent.

Pulp however, are the unfortunate reason The Arctic Monkeys exist. Shame on them. Shame.

This is Jarvis Cocker's famous arse-wiggling in 1996.

His new album's out 13th November. Buy it, fuckers.

Jarvis Cockers Myspace

Jarvis Cocker - Don't Let Him Waste Your Time


Now how many tickets do you want for the gun show?

Get Familiar... he thinks he rocks

Clinton Sparks is more arogant than Kanye West, Clinton Sparks thinks he's the best DJ/Producer in the world just because he's releasing mixtapes at the same rate as you're eating kebabs, but Clinton Sparks hasn't done much to be considered any good except having a radio show where all the hip hop stars stop and suck his dick for 5 minutes.

"I am just another jew who wishes he was black"

Oh yeah, he did this track which would have been pretty cool if it didn't sound so much like a Dre beat.

Busta Rhymes feat Dr Dre - Look Who (produced by Clinton Sparks)

NEWS FLASH : CASSIUS SUCKS

And it makes Will Ferrell sad when he goes into a guitar store.

Seriously Cassius sucks. I don't know what's with them, someone should explain. They're part of the one hit wonders of the french touch era (actually, two hits), with their overplayed singles "La Mouche" and "1999". They were pretty huge at the time. As was any french electronic music artist coming out with an average, rather catchy song :

Remember Pills? HAHA.

And yet here they are, back with a new album, "15 Again", a title they thought of when they were trying to figure out how much 7 + 7 is.
"What do you got ?"
"15 again"
"DAMN we just won't get it."
OK, maybe I'm a bit harsh, after all the first single from their album, Toop Toop is getting played every fucking where on this planet, even if it sounds like Sting featuring Martin Solveig.
You go in a bar, you hear Toop Toop. You turn the radio on, you hear Toop Toop. You turn the TV on, you see Cassius interviewed on the 8 o'clock news, with Toop Toop playing. You take a shit on your girlfriend's face, whaddya hear? THAT'S RIGHT. TOOP TOOP.
Cassius are a typical Virgin Megastore artist. It's the kind of CD they put in the front racks so that everyone can buy it and put it in a wooden box and never listen to it again. Until, 6 months later, it's in the Virgin Mega-discount collection, available for 9.99 only. So you buy it again and put it in a metal box and never listen to it again.
Sorry Cassius, I can't help it. I just don't like your songs. Toop Toop.

Although, I must admit Thrilla is a very good song. Is it due to your work or Ghostface's insanely motivational flow? NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW.

Well done, Cassius! You just won Richard Nixon's respect!
How does it feel to be a communist?

Cassius feat. Ghostface Killah - Thrilla
Cassius feat. Ghostface Killah - Thrilla (The Streets Remix)

Dudun-dun.

Nu-Rave. Whether you fuck it or hate it, it's the cool thing of the month. Nu-Rave is teaching kids to dance again, but also teaching them something what The Shamen did over a decade ago. Nu-Rave is a excuse to go pour Glowstick juice on your friends face and then begin to throw shapes in the church of dance. SOMETHING THE SHAMEN HELPED BEGIN. GOD.

I don't like Nu-Rave. And what I say goes, so deal with it. Fuck the Klaxons, fuck them in their pretty drug-addled eyes. Some class acts have been advocated a place in this genre, particularly in Britan, such as Justice, Kavinsky, SebastiAn, 2ManyDJ's (of all people). The list goes on. They're not Nu-Rave, they're fucking awesome. There's a difference guys. I don't like glowsticks, I don't like gaunty haircuts, I don't like beads, I don't like the Klaxons, alright?

So, I thank you, NME publications, for bringing this shit to the attention of the masses.

Stick with The Shamen. Get your trance out for the lads

Shitdisco sound like a failed Gang of Four, but this remix makes up for it.

Shitdisco - Reactor Party (Arne Blackman-Clarky Cat remix)

The Shamen - Ebeneezer Goode

I'm adding this because it's a catchy little number.

AllSaints - Rock Steady (MSTRKRFT Edition)

Don't fuck with Jay Kay.

Jamiroquai, the original cosmic kettler, always had a divine taste for expensive cars, borderline homosexual fuzzy hats and punching paparazzis in the face.

And he's damn right.
Why did that fagarazzi have to take his picture ? Doesn't he know that everytime a photographer takes a picture of you, he steals a little bit of your soul ? So there it goes, take that big fat jamiroquai fist in your mouth.

Jamiroquai - Runaway (Alan Braxe & Fred Falke Remix)

UH-OHHH.

She want love in the jacuzzi, rub up in the movies.

Mariah Carey feat. Jay-Z - Heartbreaker

Angelina Jolie's fucking sausage lips

God damn mama deuce

Tom Selleck polished his ferrari, rolex submariner, glass table, and obviously, his moustache while listening to this fine tune. It's a true dedication to him, and to you. Get the items mentioned above, and you'll get to lay tonight, free tequila sunrises inlcuded. In a tinted glass.

Speaklow - Thriller

Yes, it's a cover.

Time to put the headphones on.

Okay, show of hands; Who doesn't like at least one Shins song. The Shins are so hot right now. Thanks to Zach Braff's obsession with putting them in every. Fucking. Thing he's ever worked in and come on, who doesn't think Zach Braff's a total hottie, everyone &. their Mothers tampon's heard them at some point or another. 2003's Chutes Too Narrow brought them a whole new level of publicity and opened up a whole world of cute Indie-pop to come flooding into the webpages of Pitchfork and consequently, a whole new wave of bands to either follow, or finally get the recognition they worked for.

three years later and the announcement of their 3rd LP, Wincing the Night Away brings squees of delight from the youth and 20-something generation, almost so that their thick-rimmed glasses steam up. The album's already floating about on the net, so if you &. your Sufjan Stevens collection can't wait to have something new to add to it, get looking. The album's not out 'til early 2007, but with that being said, have a taster at what there is to look forward to.

The Shins - Sea Legs
The Shins - Sleeping Lessons

HOODS UP.

New day, new post. Well technically, it's not a new day. Whatever; go do a wheelie on your BMX.

I'm English, therefore I kind of have the advantage of being better than most people. Bieng a Britcore makes the world a better place, we have fantastic gigs, an awesome music scene and a kick-ass accent. But it's not all crumpets, BBC and tea parties for all us Brits, some kids like it grimey. This is where London-based noizekids HADOUKEN! come into play. They've got Indie points for the fringed folk, mixed with London's grime scene and recognition for the Half-steppers. How they're not signed I'll never know. Give them a try, you know you want to.


HADOUKEN! - That Boy That Girl

HADOUKEN! Myspace

Let's get it on

Here we come to take a bite of the blogosphere cake. A cake that tastes like bittersweet cocaine with fudge chunk. The web 2.0 is a wild jungle, and we are venomous untamed snakes on a shiny plane, ready to swallow any daredevil explorer coming our way.

The song going with the first post has to kick you in the nuts like no one else so you can thank us and ask for more nut kicking. So here's an EXCLUSIVE TRACK.
Go buy his album on october 30th.

DJ Medhi feat. Feadz - Pony Rocking